Maybe…

Sometimes I feel I not good enough. The fact is I have a mental illness. The fact is I was raped. The fact is I was adopted then abandoned. The fact is I was abused. The fact is I was sucidial. The fact is I feel like damaged goods. 

Though among all of those facts, I am still loved by God. Though among all of those facts, I am still loved by Brannen. Though among all of those facts, I am still loved by my friends. Though among all of those facts, my cat still loves me. 

So, why feel such a way, when everyone around me see me no different even with all that baggage and burdens? I should be thankful and honored. Some people would give up on a person like me. Some don’t understand mental illnesses, rape or abuse, etc. So to have people who care and won’t let me hit rock bottom again. I am forever thankful. I don’t know what I did to deserve so many good people in my life. 

Another thing is. Well, I’m exhausted. I remain strong for everyone, including myself. Though what’s damaging is that I put so much effort and time into others. One thing most people will say about me is: Sai is kind, smart, sweet, funny, strong and a great friend. I never give up on my friends. I am the one who is always there for others even when I’m practically doing 5 things at once. I show people I care. I just wish people would return the favor. Maybe that’s why they say I have so much strength. Maybe..

Xo, Sai 

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Maybe…

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