What you think:
You all see her as a beautiful girl with a stunning smile. Her hair so silky and long. They see such intelligence and braveness in her. They see strength and wisdom. They see such a positive, uplifting energy beaming from her soul.
What you don’t know:
There is pain flowing through her veins, tears filling up in her eye sockets, exhausting depression where her body feels so weak, and longing for something she has no idea is even in arms reach.
She hides her pain with her stunning, contagious smile. Her beauty glows. No one ever knows when she’s sad or in pain. She holds her head high and seems to hide her pain well.
What you think and what you know are two different things. Remember that.
Xo, Sai ❤
I usually am active on social media. Though, recently I haven’t been. I haven’t used instagram, snapchat, or facebook in the last 2 months. Only 5 people have really checked on me. Shows who really cares & worries if I’m okay. Social media is shit. Like people have my number yet still try to message me on everything else but my number. I only give my number out to certain people or friends. If you have my number. That means I think of you as a friend or someone I care about. If I am not answering my messages on social media, why do you keep messaging me on there? Especially if you have my personal number or even my email?? Just sad. Social media has taken over so much, that even one of my friends won’t answer their texts but will respond quicker through a social media app. I’m so frustrated. Like why have an active phone if you don’t use your texts or calls. That’s a waste of money in my opinion. Sometimes I wish this was the old days. Where technology hadn’t been as advanced. Where social media was not the shit. People read their feed more than they do the Bible. People use social media to stir up drama. People are so consumed in social media that it can be so suffocating. Take a break people. Social media isn’t everything. If I can live two months without it and my hubby can live 5 years without it. Then it’s good. Life is way more peaceful. I may only keep instagram. Instagram is the only social site I think is positive and I inspire most on there.
Have you ever missed someone, without even meeting them? I do. I miss my mother, even though I have never met her. I have been depressed lately. I am not sure if it was triggered by the fact that mother’s day is indeed tomorrow.
Last night, B and I bought his mom mother’s gifts. As I was grabbing some items, my friend asked me what I was getting my mother, since she saw me buying things for B’s mom. My friend wasn’t aware of my situation yet. She though I could ship the gifts to India. She had no clue I haven’t my mother.
Is it weird for me to say I love my mother? I think the world of her. I dream of her and the beauty she holds. I pray one day, I meet her. I feel a spark in my heart that one day I could be standing side by side with my mother. I could somehow stumble upon her. The world is so small. Fate has a way. God has a plan.
I am sad. An orphan I was born. An orphan I became again. Though, I have a mother. I have a father. I will dream until my wish comes true. That is my biggest wish of all. That is my dream. Most people dream and wish to be married or to have a fairy tale life. Others wish to have a roof over their head and food on the table. I wish to meet my mother. We all have wishes and dreams.
What is yours?