I have many pet peeves. I am about to share a few with you all.
1.) Don't lie to me. That will always be my number one pet peeve. Why it is a pet peeve is because it is very annoying to me. Why do you need to lie to me? That is the main reason to ever get me upset or mad at you.
2.) When someone tells you they have something to tell you and then they back off and say never mind. Why do that? You just got me all excited for nothing. Like when someone gets your hopes up and then crushes them by doing something stupid.
3.) People who act different around each person they are with. They act different around certain people so they can be liked. Why change yourself for others. If they don't like you for you. Then fuck them. Find people who genuinely like you for you. Not ones you have to change yourself for.
4.) People who cry to get their way. Tears do have affect people. Though others know when you're just sitting their bullshitting them.
5.) Talking shit behind my back. Why talk shit behind someone back? If you have the courage to say it behind someone's back, then you should have the courage to say it to their face. Don't bad mouth people if you can't tell them straight to their face what problems you have with them.
I stood there while the hot steamy water rapidly beat down on my bare figure. I could feel my heartbeat speeding up. My eye sockets started filling with salty tears. My body became heavy as I dropped to the hard surface of the tub. I am just about breathless. At this point, the water is almost drowning me. I felt like I was in the middle of a rain storm. The water is washing away my worries and being poured down the drain. The bathroom was foggy like the clouds in the sky.
I am still here staying strong, Sai
I am getting my hair trimmed today. Maybe adding a few layers to it too. I have thick hair. As y’all know, I’m Indian. So my hair is long and thick. People obsess over my hair. They ask what’s the secret to my hair. My first response may be too harsh so I go with the second one which is I just use head and shoulders. My first response would be because I am from India. It’s the foreign in me. 😂😂
I lost a very close friend of mine the other day. He died of an unexpected heart attack. I am so exhausted from crying and being so depressed over it. He is one of the positive influences in my life. He gave me hope and shaped me in ways unexplainable. He gave me light of better days. He wiped my tears when crying. He kept me afloat when things got hard. He was a teacher, a friend, a life coach, an inspiration for many. Now he is gone. Everyone is devastated, especially each person who’s lives he touched. I don’t understand death. I do understand when our time comes, it comes. Once we do our deeds on this Earth, God brings us home. Home as in Heaven. His time on this earth was done. He did all his good deeds or whatever God sent him on this earth to do.
I can’t even type anymore without crying again. I’m sorry.
I love you Rico. Rest In Peace my amazing friend. I know you’re watching over me.
Love, Sai ❤️
Not sure why people judge when they don’t even check themselves first.
Not sure why people blame others for their unsuccessful lives.
Not sure why people think violence is the way to make the world peaceful.
Not sure why people can’t understand mental illness.
Not sure why people make memes out of everything.
Not sure why people can’t accept the truth.
Not sure why sex is more important to teenagers than good grades and pleasing their parents.
Not sure why equality isn’t an option because everyone still sees skin color as a major difference.
Not sure why we can’t all just be mature.
Not sure why I can’t fathom all of this.
Not sure why I am unsure.
Pondering at 3:19 am.
When a kid is abused. They are either physically, mentally, emotionally, & or sexually. They are scarred, bruised, ashamed & exhausted. They are broken inside with a mind full of fear. They don’t know who’s going to hurt them next. Whether it be a broken heart or bullies beating them up. Love isn’t a word fathomable for an abuse victims ears.
I would know. I was abused as a kid. My foster mom was horrible to me. If I bad mouthed to her; she’d make me swallow liquid soap. My throat would be stinging for days. She would give me bloody noses and blame me for why my nose was bleeding. She beat me continuously. She sewed into my skin while trying to fix my tutu for dance. I screamed for her to stop as I was crying and bleeding. Yet she kept going. Maybe like 3 stitches till she stopped. I cried in pain as blood was dripping down my belly. She was scary to me. I was so scared of her. She was my biggest bully. That’s the saddest part. It wasn’t even kids at school who I could say bullied me. No, my bully was my own foster mother.
She was my bully.
She is not my bully now. She’ll never be able to have that control over me again. I will never let her put me through pain. She’s not in my life anymore. She cut me off in 2013. I would never go back to that negativity. I am strong. I am an abuse victim survivor.
Deep in thought,
Stop letting other people’s opinions get the best of you. Stop letting those little lies fill up in your head. Your haters who want to see you miserable. They want to see you unhappy because they are unhappy. They want to pull you into their gloomy and depressed world. Don’t let them. Stop letting people get inside your head. You are worth more than those degrading thoughts and little pieces of negative doubt. You are worth more than the stars in the sky. You have more potential than you see in yourself. You don’t see it, because you’re blinded by all the haters. Their voices and words have more volume than your own confidence and thoughts. Stop it. Change it. It should be, your confidence and thoughts have more volumes than the haters voices and words. You got this. Stop letting others run over you. Stand strong and courageous. Be brave and confident. You got this, even if you don’t believe you do.
I love you all. Stay motivated and positive.
Peace. Love. Sai. (: