Then and Now

The ways I have grown in the past 5 years are:

5 years ago was 2013. The year everything changed. I went from being a young adult with so said ADHD to a young adult with Bipolar Type 1 Severe with Psychosis. A young adult who had to take medication for a mental disorder to now being stable without medication. A young adult who wasn’t close with God, who now prays almost everyday and preaches about how God showed her the way to a better life. A person who had a “family” for 17 years to a person who’s “family” abandoned her within a day. A woman who used to fear many things, who is now more courageous than she ever was. A person who decided to let everything around her be in the way of her main focus and goals, to now being a person with a stable job and steady income. An individual who was suicidal and now is 4 years clean of such tendencies and thoughts. A person who used to cry over the tiniest bullshit to finally becoming a more mature and stronger person who had overcome some difficult situations and challenges. A person who didn’t feel confident in her own skin to now being an inspiration to many who aren’t confident. A person who used to care what others thought of her to now being herself and not letting anyone bring her down. A young woman who had a passion to help others but didn’t know how to. To now being this inspiring individual to so many people. I have grown a lot since then and now each day is a new day for new opportunities and life experiences. 

Peace. Love. Sai 🙂

Then and Now

Pet Peeves

I have many pet peeves. I am about to share a few with you all.

1.) Don't lie to me. That will always be my number one pet peeve. Why it is a pet peeve is because it is very annoying to me. Why do you need to lie to me? That is the main reason to ever get me upset or mad at you.

2.) When someone tells you they have something to tell you and then they back off and say never mind. Why do that? You just got me all excited for nothing. Like when someone gets your hopes up and then crushes them by doing something stupid.

3.) People who act different around each person they are with. They act different around certain people so they can be liked. Why change yourself for others. If they don't like you for you. Then fuck them. Find people who genuinely like you for you. Not ones you have to change yourself for.

4.) People who cry to get their way. Tears do have affect people. Though others know when you're just sitting their bullshitting them.

5.) Talking shit behind my back. Why talk shit behind someone back? If you have the courage to say it behind someone's back, then you should have the courage to say it to their face. Don't bad mouth people if you can't tell them straight to their face what problems you have with them.

Pet Peeves

Not sure why

Not sure why people judge when they don’t even check themselves first.

Not sure why people blame others for their unsuccessful lives. 

Not sure why people think violence is the way to make the world peaceful. 

Not sure why people can’t understand mental illness. 

Not sure why people make memes out of everything. 

Not sure why people can’t accept the truth. 

Not sure why sex is more important to teenagers than good grades and pleasing their parents. 

Not sure why equality isn’t an option because everyone still sees skin color as a major difference. 

Not sure why we can’t all just be mature. 

Not sure why I can’t fathom all of this. 

Not sure why I am unsure. 
Pondering at 3:19 am.


Not sure why

I miss you

Have you ever missed someone, without even meeting them? I do. I miss my mother, even though I have never met her. I have been depressed lately. I am not sure if it was triggered by the fact that mother’s day is indeed tomorrow.

Last night, B and I bought his mom mother’s gifts. As I was grabbing some items, my friend asked me what I was getting my mother, since she saw me buying things for B’s mom. My friend wasn’t aware of my situation yet. She though I could ship the gifts to India. She had no clue I haven’t my mother.

Is it weird for me to say I love my mother? I think the world of her. I dream of her and the beauty she holds. I pray one day, I meet her. I feel a spark in my heart that one day I could be standing side by side with my mother. I could somehow stumble upon her. The world is so small. Fate has a way. God has a plan.

I am sad. An orphan I was born. An orphan I became again. Though, I have a mother. I have a father. I will dream until my wish comes true. That is my biggest wish of all. That is my dream. Most people dream and wish to be married or to have a fairy tale life. Others wish to have a roof over their head and food on the table. I wish to meet my mother. We all have wishes and dreams.

What is yours?

Xo, Sai


I miss you

Try a different type

Many people ask me how I found such a great guy. Well B and I’s relationship started all the way back in high school. We actually started as friends, then had a  brother and sister relationship, then we became best friends, then lovers. It is kind of cute.

Many of my friends get in bad relationships. These are the types of guys they somehow date: Fuck boys, controlling guys, abusive guys, guys that use you for one thing whether it be sex or just to say they have a girlfriend but don’t really want to pursue a deep and long lasting relationship with you, or guys who are possessive of their girl.

The thing is everyone one of these girls have gone for the “hottest”, good looking, best body, cute type of guy. I have said since day one. Looks don’t mean shit. You’ve got to understand that. I would rather have a guy who isn’t the hottest, yet treats me like a queen. People sometimes ask how I got with Brannen or they say Brannen is one lucky guy to have me by his side. (As in I’m the gorgeous one and I could of done better with a guy’s looks.) Excuse me while I count my blessings. Brannen is a very handsome man. He is a Marine on top of that. That is effing sexy and really awesome! He has great morals and respects me. He isn’t possessive over me and never has been controlling. He doesn’t treat me like an object either. He is loyal and wants to marry me one day. I would rather have him, than any guy I ever laid eyes on before I got with Brannen. If I look back on all the guys I had crushes on or dated. None compare to Brannen. They are an “F” and Brannen is an “A+++++”.  Oh and one more thing. His mother raised him right! I am grateful for that!

These girls only want good looking guys. Not every good looking guy is respectful. Some of them are very rude and only want sex. I think sometimes you should try a different type. To be honest. I dated a lot of fuck boy kind of guys. They treated me like crap!

I am so blessed I met  Brannen. Actually, B was a skinny guy when I first met him. He looked like a complete nerd on top of that. Now he is muscular and cute as eff! I wouldn’t trade him for the world. His characteristics are what many girls want in a guy. I am blessed and I thank God every day for this man. Brannen is the best thing that has ever happened. He is the love of my life. I wouldn’t want it any other way!

Peace. Love. Sai (:

Try a different type