B just saved me!! I was choking on popcorn!! It went down the wrong tube! Thankfully B came into the bedroom and helped me stop choking. I was so scared. I grabbed his shirt because I could barely breathe. He always makes me feel safer especially if I hold his hand or when scrunch his shirt with my hand. I don’t think I’ve ever choked that bad before. If I have, it’s been too long to remember such a feeling.
Hey everyone!!! I have been on a break from my blog, due to working again. I have been working 2 weeks now at my new job!! I love it so much!! I am happy with the job! My manager is so amazing and the work is light. My customers love me. They give positive feedback to my boss. I even got my first gold star sticker for my name tag!! I am the first to ever get one in my department! I am so excited and feel honored!!
I actually will be able to make posts on here even when I am at work, if I want to. I am allowed to watch Netflix, text, video chat, even draw or color. It is an easy job. There are maybe 7 to 10 tasks that are important throughout the whole 8 hour shift. It isn’t that hard. I have a lot of down time, which is why my manager just says do what you like as long as you do the tasks that need to be done. He says I am doing great there!!
I do get kind of annoyed. Many customers the guys mostly try to hit on me. It irritates me how they can be very disrespectful. I just say I am married at this point. Saying I am engaged, makes them still try to flirt with me. Though if I say I am married, they die down on the flirting.
Other than that, It is amazing at work!! My manager said be thankful you are blessed with good looks, because if you weren’t, you could get the opposite of the nice comments. Like customers hating and saying crude things about your looks or weight, etc. So I guess that is a positive out look on it.
Sometimes I feel I not good enough. The fact is I have a mental illness. The fact is I was raped. The fact is I was adopted then abandoned. The fact is I was abused. The fact is I was sucidial. The fact is I feel like damaged goods.
Though among all of those facts, I am still loved by God. Though among all of those facts, I am still loved by Brannen. Though among all of those facts, I am still loved by my friends. Though among all of those facts, my cat still loves me.
So, why feel such a way, when everyone around me see me no different even with all that baggage and burdens? I should be thankful and honored. Some people would give up on a person like me. Some don’t understand mental illnesses, rape or abuse, etc. So to have people who care and won’t let me hit rock bottom again. I am forever thankful. I don’t know what I did to deserve so many good people in my life.
Another thing is. Well, I’m exhausted. I remain strong for everyone, including myself. Though what’s damaging is that I put so much effort and time into others. One thing most people will say about me is: Sai is kind, smart, sweet, funny, strong and a great friend. I never give up on my friends. I am the one who is always there for others even when I’m practically doing 5 things at once. I show people I care. I just wish people would return the favor. Maybe that’s why they say I have so much strength. Maybe..