When being in a bad mood. You’ve got to decide how far deep you anger will get. Will you let it subside to calmness or will you keep a fire going so your anger can boil and rise is fury? Some people just let their anger get the best of them. I am not an angry person. I usually don’t even get that mad. If I do I have to redirect that energy to a safe place. Not leashing such rage. Actually it’s not even rage. Haha when I’m mad people, think I’m silly. They can’t ever take me seriously. It’s kind of annoying. I guess it’s just because I’m a happy person and I rarely get mad. I am not sure where this was going. I was just typing away with no intent to inspire or tell a story. Just thoughts in my head. Scattered as always.
I don’t know what to write about today. That’s a first.
Hey everyone. I have been M.I.A. again due to working at my new job and then because of me being in my depressive stage lately… almost a full month now. I wanted to share about how I’ve been doing. I have working at my new job for over 5 months now. That is an accomplishment for me. I never have been able to hold a job for more than 4 months. So this is exciting for me and I am very proud of myself. I have bipolar type 2 severe with psychosis. Having a work life can be difficult for me and many others with BD. Especially during the depression stages. For me, I have no energy, I cry a lot, I am exhausted, I don’t want to get out of bed, I don’t want to talk to people or hang with friends. Literally, I have almost 200 unread messages from my friends. I am so grateful to have such a loving and caring man by my side who uplifts me and prays with me and makes sure I don’t sink into an even deeper level of depression, Because of him, I got to my midday work shifts on time. Because of him I got out bed and tried to become motivated even though I just wanted to sleep all day. Because of him I have felt comforted and he’s done everything to try to make me smile; whether it be him holding me, hugging me, kissing me, buying me food, etc. He has kept me together while in such a state of depression. It has been a while since I have had a long depression. So it has been quite exhausting for me. I have been proud of myself for pushing so hard and getting through it. Working and depression are quite drowning. Everyone knows I am a very outgoing person. Even my customers have been worried about me. One of them gave me a Rosary made of real silver, others gave me hugs, and a few have bought me food. They are so kind. Everyone who has truly helped me and extended their love and care. From B, to my friends, to my customers, and even my manager and employees. Everyone is so great. I love them all and am very grateful for them. Anyway, I just wanted to update you all on my progress and how I am doing.
Love Always, Sai
Reflecting back on my life. There's a lot of good memories. One memory that makes me smile every time I think about it, is when I met the love of my life 7 years ago.
It all started when …
I actually got to get some rest, because I've got a 40.25 hour work week ahead. I'm already tired. So, I will pick up where I left off sooner than later!
Your words. Your tone. Your actions.
All 3 effect everything and everyone around you. Be self aware of your own words, tones, & actions.
I am getting my hair trimmed today. Maybe adding a few layers to it too. I have thick hair. As y’all know, I’m Indian. So my hair is long and thick. People obsess over my hair. They ask what’s the secret to my hair. My first response may be too harsh so I go with the second one which is I just use head and shoulders. My first response would be because I am from India. It’s the foreign in me. 😂😂
I lost a very close friend of mine the other day. He died of an unexpected heart attack. I am so exhausted from crying and being so depressed over it. He is one of the positive influences in my life. He gave me hope and shaped me in ways unexplainable. He gave me light of better days. He wiped my tears when crying. He kept me afloat when things got hard. He was a teacher, a friend, a life coach, an inspiration for many. Now he is gone. Everyone is devastated, especially each person who’s lives he touched. I don’t understand death. I do understand when our time comes, it comes. Once we do our deeds on this Earth, God brings us home. Home as in Heaven. His time on this earth was done. He did all his good deeds or whatever God sent him on this earth to do.
I can’t even type anymore without crying again. I’m sorry.
I love you Rico. Rest In Peace my amazing friend. I know you’re watching over me.
Love, Sai ❤️