What You think and What You know

What you think: 

You all see her as a beautiful girl with a stunning smile. Her hair so silky and long. They see such intelligence and braveness in her. They see strength and wisdom. They see such a positive, uplifting energy beaming from her soul.

What you don’t know:

There is pain flowing through her veins, tears filling up in her eye sockets, exhausting depression where her body feels so weak, and longing for something she has no idea is even in arms reach.

She hides her pain with her stunning, contagious smile. Her beauty glows. No one ever knows when she’s sad or in pain. She holds her head high and seems to hide her pain well.

 What you think and what you know are two different things. Remember that. 

Xo, Sai ❤

What You think and What You know

Weeping like the tree

There is a time

That we need to choose

To find our way to follow through

Every time a door shuts in your face….

It bring such a disgrace

Deep down inside your heart

That you want to part

From being alive

In this damaging world

Of hate and mystery of being

Please God, give me a sign

So it does not look like I’m blind

In my faith in which I walk

In the way I must talk

I am depressed

Tears running down my face

Keeping the crinkles in this page wet.

Weeping like the tree

….

 

Xo, Sai

(I remain hopeful of better days. I will be 3 years clean of suicidal thoughts and actions in November. I hope to remain strong and keep my mind clear of these sad, depressing, negative thoughts. I usually write poems to express my inner sadness rather than hurting myself or making negative actions and situations. Writing is a very expressive way to get things out and to feel better. I suggest other do it too. It has helped me tremendously.)

 

Weeping like the tree

It’s hard right now…

I am having the hardest time right now. I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder in 2013. Every day is literally a struggle. I am manic & depressive. Right now I am very depressed. I’ve been having bad panic attacks. It’s tiring to the body. I feel alone in this world sometimes. I just want people to understand me. Mental disorders are something you don’t take lightly. I am really struggling with some inner problems right now. I wish things were easy, though it just isn’t… And on top of that, one of my brother’s is in the hospital. So I just feel so down. It is just a gloomy week.

Peace. Love. Happiness.

Sai (:

It’s hard right now…