Reflecting back on my life. There's a lot of good memories. One memory that makes me smile every time I think about it, is when I met the love of my life 7 years ago.
It all started when …
I actually got to get some rest, because I've got a 40.25 hour work week ahead. I'm already tired. So, I will pick up where I left off sooner than later!
Your words. Your tone. Your actions.
All 3 effect everything and everyone around you. Be self aware of your own words, tones, & actions.
I lost a very close friend of mine the other day. He died of an unexpected heart attack. I am so exhausted from crying and being so depressed over it. He is one of the positive influences in my life. He gave me hope and shaped me in ways unexplainable. He gave me light of better days. He wiped my tears when crying. He kept me afloat when things got hard. He was a teacher, a friend, a life coach, an inspiration for many. Now he is gone. Everyone is devastated, especially each person who’s lives he touched. I don’t understand death. I do understand when our time comes, it comes. Once we do our deeds on this Earth, God brings us home. Home as in Heaven. His time on this earth was done. He did all his good deeds or whatever God sent him on this earth to do.
I can’t even type anymore without crying again. I’m sorry.
I love you Rico. Rest In Peace my amazing friend. I know you’re watching over me.
Love, Sai ❤️
Hey everyone!!! I have been on a break from my blog, due to working again. I have been working 2 weeks now at my new job!! I love it so much!! I am happy with the job! My manager is so amazing and the work is light. My customers love me. They give positive feedback to my boss. I even got my first gold star sticker for my name tag!! I am the first to ever get one in my department! I am so excited and feel honored!!
I actually will be able to make posts on here even when I am at work, if I want to. I am allowed to watch Netflix, text, video chat, even draw or color. It is an easy job. There are maybe 7 to 10 tasks that are important throughout the whole 8 hour shift. It isn’t that hard. I have a lot of down time, which is why my manager just says do what you like as long as you do the tasks that need to be done. He says I am doing great there!!
I do get kind of annoyed. Many customers the guys mostly try to hit on me. It irritates me how they can be very disrespectful. I just say I am married at this point. Saying I am engaged, makes them still try to flirt with me. Though if I say I am married, they die down on the flirting.
Other than that, It is amazing at work!! My manager said be thankful you are blessed with good looks, because if you weren’t, you could get the opposite of the nice comments. Like customers hating and saying crude things about your looks or weight, etc. So I guess that is a positive out look on it.
I am back to tell you good news! I got a new job! I am not sure if I should tell the whole world where I work. Though, I will say I have it good!! I literally get paid to watch Netflix. I don’t do much. I get to sit all day, and serve my customers. It is pretty awesome. I just give them candy or cigarettes or put money on the pump of gas they are using, and they’ll be on their merry way. I even get insurance through my work! It is amazing!!! If I don’t like the position I work now, I can be changed to work in the store itself. I work in a little box. I start tomorrow. I am pretty excited. Everyone knows me up at the store. B works there and so do a lot of my friends. So I have many people who have their best interest in me. I am blessed and grateful!! I got hired on the spot. I was so nervous for the interview. Brannen didn’t tell me they were going to just hire me. I had no clue. He is great at surprises!! It definitely made it more exciting!!
Anyway, other exciting news; B got a raise!! I am really happy for him! Also, I am supposed to be helping his step dad make a WordPress website!! He wants my help! I am excited to help!! I feel honored! A few people have wanted me to help them make a WordPress website. Some of them are just trying to be like me, and others are actually trying to make a name for themselves! So I feel honored that I can help them all out!
Also, now that I have a new job, I am hoping to upgrade my plan for my website. I want to get one of the month to month plans!! I think it has more to offer and will make my website more attractive!!! Another thing, is that I am finally going to be switching over to the iPhone 7. I have always been an Android user. Though, everyone in my circle and family have the iPhone!!! So I think it”ll be nice for me!! Then I ‘ll have my Facetime clearer, because I have an old iPhone 4s that I don’t use as often as my active phone which is an HTC Desire. I am just getting tired of my Android phone. I think I will make the switch! #iPhoneUser
Anyway, I was really excited to tell you all the great news of April!
Peace. Love. Sai (:
The foster mom I had growing up treated me horribly. She put it in my head, I’d never change. I could never make a change for myself. She always put me down. She talked down on me. I once took toys to school in my book bag, (I was in 1st or 2nd grade) and she beat the crap out of me because I took toys to school. She abused me for many things, little or big. My foster dad at the time, was never there when she did it, since he was always at work. I feel in my heart, her beating me and abusing me constantly, did not make me want to find strength within me to change for the better. I was constantly living in fear. Living in fear because I was scared if I do one littlest thing wrong, I would get hit for it. I never had hope. I always thought I did everything wrong.
Now that I am an adult, and they abandoned me. Well, I feel less scared; like I am not walking on eggshells. I feel free of the cage I was in. I live with my boyfriend, Brannen. We’ve been together 4 years and best friends for 7 years. Even that I’ve lived with him for 3 years, I still have a tendencies of thinking he’ll treat me like my ex foster family treated me. Not abusive lol. More so like he’ll be mad if I ate all my goldfish crackers, or broke a xbox controller. Those kinds of things. Though, he doesn’t get mad. He never lays a hand on me, or yells at me over the little things. He understands things get broken, or I get hungry. Lol. He is such a great guy. He makes me feel safe. I haven’t been able to be myself. He gave me confidence. He took away my shield of fear. He gave me secureness to feel confident to be myself.
Brannen is the best thing that has ever happened to me. God truly blessed me. I found happiness and a path to better things when I met Brannen. I feel God wanted B and I to meet. He knows B is a great guy with a good heart. He would show me true love and a good friendship. I am forever grateful for B and that God is good.
When times are tough, you can’t give up. I learned that most people give up right before it may be getting better. They never wait that last second or minute. Many people know I was suicidal. They told me that many people who have been in my type of situation, would not have made it this far. So, why me? I don’t understand sometimes how I became this strong. I feel so blessed, yet overwhelmed. I hope to help many people and show them proof that it is possible to never give up! I know God has me. He is always good, and his timing is everything. Whether you want to believe it or not. Miracles are always in the works. Have Faith.
Xo, Sai (:
Sometimes I feel I not good enough. The fact is I have a mental illness. The fact is I was raped. The fact is I was adopted then abandoned. The fact is I was abused. The fact is I was sucidial. The fact is I feel like damaged goods.
Though among all of those facts, I am still loved by God. Though among all of those facts, I am still loved by Brannen. Though among all of those facts, I am still loved by my friends. Though among all of those facts, my cat still loves me.
So, why feel such a way, when everyone around me see me no different even with all that baggage and burdens? I should be thankful and honored. Some people would give up on a person like me. Some don’t understand mental illnesses, rape or abuse, etc. So to have people who care and won’t let me hit rock bottom again. I am forever thankful. I don’t know what I did to deserve so many good people in my life.
Another thing is. Well, I’m exhausted. I remain strong for everyone, including myself. Though what’s damaging is that I put so much effort and time into others. One thing most people will say about me is: Sai is kind, smart, sweet, funny, strong and a great friend. I never give up on my friends. I am the one who is always there for others even when I’m practically doing 5 things at once. I show people I care. I just wish people would return the favor. Maybe that’s why they say I have so much strength. Maybe..