My Besties

"A close friend is like a rainbow, when the perfect amount of happiness and tears are mixed, the result is a colorful bridge between 2 hearts." ~ Annoymous

My first best friend in my life was my cat I had growing up. Sometimes animals give a great connection with their owner, only some can really understand. He was my everything. I had him since 1st grade. He's an old cat now. (He's with my ex-foster family still.) I pray he is happy and loved. I miss him very much, probably he misses me too. Though today, I am going to talk about my 4 best friends who are humans lol.

Brannen: My #1 best friend of all time is my fiance, Brannen. I met him in 9th grade of high school. He gave me hope of better days. He was there for through the ups and downs of my life. He never gave up on me no matter how dark of the times he went through with me. He makes me feel the safest out of everyone I know. He has never hurt me and he taught me that the truth sets you free. Never lie, be blunt. That is where I get my bluntness from. A lot of people say I am blunt. B taught me never to beat around the bush, hence why I get fustrated when others do it. B saved me from suicide in 9th grade and in freshmen year of college. He was the main reason I got clean and got the helped I needed. I am forever thankful for him. I was the one who met him. I went up to him in gym class. A few different types of gyms classes all met in the big gymnasium sometimes. I went up to him and of course was hyper and excited. I said "hiii!", and from that moment on we became closer than ever each day that passed. He said the day he met me, was the day he said to himself, "One day I will marry this girl." Brannen is a very wise guy. He is a christian and has very good morals. He is a US Marine now. Which I adore Marines the most out of all branches of the military!! Ever since I was little, I have had so much respect for them! Ooh Rah!!! Well, I have bragged enough about B. Now onto the next one.

Lizzie: Elizabeth and I met in 5th grade of middle school when I just moved to Georgia. She and I have been close ever since!! We would always be goofy in school and sometimes get into trouble. Though, she kept me positive and happy. She a person I cherish very dear to heart. Our friendship is rare. Why I say that is because, we rarely fight. We really don't disagree on much. She is my kind of crazy though. Just upset us enough and it's over. When 2 best friends come together on the same problem.. you might want to apologize before we get heated. Haha. Though, on the other hand, she is a wise person as well. She has such a kind heart and a great personality. I am so thankful for her. I miss her so much. I can't wait to reunite with her soon enough. Good thing for technology; Facetime, Facebook, Snapchat, etc.
Trejon: Trejon and I met in freshman year of college. He and I became so close within days. He is a very wise owl. He has taught me so much, including self respect and self love. He never gave up on me. When he met me, I was right at the cusp of hitting rock bottom with the suicidal stuff. Though, he kept me afloat even when I was falling hard. Our friendship and bond  never grew grey, it has always been colorful.  He has had my back since day 1.  He showed me what a true friend is. He is like a counselor to me as well. Always gives great advice and has great meaning and positive influence behind it. I will always look up to him. He is my inspiration to do great in life!! I can't wait for him to B and I soon!!

Friendship is built upon trust, communication, loyalty, respect, commitment, and patience. All of my best friends share that with me. I am forever grateful for them. I am truly blessed.
"Friends are kisses blown to us by Angels." ~ Anonymous

Xo, Sai

My Besties

My Life Story: Pt 4

​So my foster parents & I haven’t talked since May 2014. Almost a year. They won’t respond to any calls, texts, emails, or letters. Though they each Christmas & birthday they sent me a birthday card; saying they think about me everyday & love me unconditionally… but sit there & tell everyone they have no clue where I am. They don’t respond to me.They said I could come live with Brannen. My foster mother specifically said she thought it would be a good idea. I have been through trauma & life lessons. Though, I kept my faith strong. I grew close to God.

Now I am just dealing with my mental disorder, & trying to let go of my past (I did recently send my “mother” a letter saying that I forgave her), & I am trying to get over this sickness I have had August 2014 (been vomiting every day & everything; had a medical procedure done— they didn’t find anything wrong in my stomach, & I have lost over 20 pounds in the last 6 months. I have been in the hospital a lot & became very weak. I prayed everyday that God heals me & a miracle will happen & I could stop throwing up. I haven’t thrown up as much since Christmas 2015, & just strengthening my Faith & knowing God has a plan for each one of us here on this Earth.

He is using me to help others who have been through what I have been through. I am here to help people stay strong & not give up, and to tell them there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I celebrate 4 years with Brannen November of 2017. On November 28,2017 I will be three years not suicidal. I’ve become so strong.

Also, I forgot to mention that yes, I told my parents 9 years later (2009- freshman year in high school) about my brother raping me. My “mother” did not believe me even as I told her the evidence. My “father” on the other hand, I can’t really tell what he thinks. My “mother” makes him go with what she believes. She said I was sick & wrong for saying that my brother did such a thing. I am hurt that she would think I would lie about rape. About that situation; she denies a lot, & it’s a struggle.

Though, I am writing my book & I am going to publish it. I am going to inspire the world around me, & the young people who think they can’t do it. I will share my story to show them that All things are possible through God.

P.S. ~ As my motto goes: Spreading Positivity Like PB & J.

Much Love To You All,

Peace. Love. Sai 🙂

My Life Story: Pt 4

Where are you mama?

Mama. Where are you? I have longed to one day meet you. I was sent to America not even remembering what you looked like because I was a baby. Do I look like you? Do I act like you? Questions I ask myself. I know you gave me up for a good reason. Though, not knowing who your birthmom is, well it’s an empty hole in my life; in my heart. I feel empty. You thought you gave me up to a great foster family, yet they abandoned me after raising me for almost 18 years. They abused me, raped me, hurt me, broke me, abandoned me. Though, I am safer now mama. I have a new family who loves me unconditionally, which I thank God everyday for! I just feel sad. I really want to know you. I want to hug you. Show you how strong of a daughter you have. How beautiful of a daughter you have. How people are inspired by your daughter. I wish you could see me now mama. You would be proud. You would be proud. I love you mama. I will always be thankful for you. I technically wouldn’t be here if you didn’t birth me. So thank you mama. One day I will go back to India to find you. I hope I meet you mama. I love you.

Your daughter, 

Sai Chandrika 💜

Where are you mama?

It’s hard right now…

I am having the hardest time right now. I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder in 2013. Every day is literally a struggle. I am manic & depressive. Right now I am very depressed. I’ve been having bad panic attacks. It’s tiring to the body. I feel alone in this world sometimes. I just want people to understand me. Mental disorders are something you don’t take lightly. I am really struggling with some inner problems right now. I wish things were easy, though it just isn’t… And on top of that, one of my brother’s is in the hospital. So I just feel so down. It is just a gloomy week.

Peace. Love. Happiness.

Sai (:

It’s hard right now…