When being in a bad mood. You’ve got to decide how far deep you anger will get. Will you let it subside to calmness or will you keep a fire going so your anger can boil and rise is fury? Some people just let their anger get the best of them. I am not an angry person. I usually don’t even get that mad. If I do I have to redirect that energy to a safe place. Not leashing such rage. Actually it’s not even rage. Haha when I’m mad people, think I’m silly. They can’t ever take me seriously. It’s kind of annoying. I guess it’s just because I’m a happy person and I rarely get mad. I am not sure where this was going. I was just typing away with no intent to inspire or tell a story. Just thoughts in my head. Scattered as always.
I usually am active on social media. Though, recently I haven’t been. I haven’t used instagram, snapchat, or facebook in the last 2 months. Only 5 people have really checked on me. Shows who really cares & worries if I’m okay. Social media is shit. Like people have my number yet still try to message me on everything else but my number. I only give my number out to certain people or friends. If you have my number. That means I think of you as a friend or someone I care about. If I am not answering my messages on social media, why do you keep messaging me on there? Especially if you have my personal number or even my email?? Just sad. Social media has taken over so much, that even one of my friends won’t answer their texts but will respond quicker through a social media app. I’m so frustrated. Like why have an active phone if you don’t use your texts or calls. That’s a waste of money in my opinion. Sometimes I wish this was the old days. Where technology hadn’t been as advanced. Where social media was not the shit. People read their feed more than they do the Bible. People use social media to stir up drama. People are so consumed in social media that it can be so suffocating. Take a break people. Social media isn’t everything. If I can live two months without it and my hubby can live 5 years without it. Then it’s good. Life is way more peaceful. I may only keep instagram. Instagram is the only social site I think is positive and I inspire most on there.
Have you ever looked into someone’s eyes and just saw pain seeping through their pupils? They stand there smiling with a kind expression, though you can see right through them like a shattered mirror. Why are they hiding such darkness inside them? When I met my best friend, he saw right through me. I was so hyper and talkative, though he could see past the “happy self” I had in a sense faked. I was genuinely happy, though sadness ran through my veins. If you ask anyone about me; they will say I’m kind, compassionate, friendly, and always happy and smiling. Though they never took the time to really look at me, talk to me, get to know me. My best friend has always known my true self. Sometimes, better than I have. He is my best friend, my human diary, my love of my life. One of the things I admire most about him is that he never once gave up on me. From being suicidal, to moving states away, to now having a mental illness for the rest of my life and him taking care of me everyday. He never once gave up on me or left my side. He never loved me any less. Ever since the day we met 7 years ago, he’s loved me. That is either one stubborn guy or a real man who loves me more than maybe he will ever understand. One day I will marry him. I love him so much. I am blessed to have my best friend as my soul mate.
My brother and sister are my world. I love Samps & Rai so much. They are always there for me no matter the time of day. I miss them more than words can explain. I am thankful for social media and Facetime. Haha. I can keep in touch with them and see them everyday through a screen. Technology at its finest. I hope to visit them this summer. I need a vacation!!!
It is so hard losing someone so close and dear to you. My Grammy was my happiness my back bone. She was my biggest fan. I loved her with all I had. My friend just sent me a message saying, “I will pray for you. And I know that she still IS your biggest fan where she is now. :)” That means a lot to me. I know if she was still here, she’d tell me to wipe my tears away and toughen up.