When being in a bad mood. You’ve got to decide how far deep you anger will get. Will you let it subside to calmness or will you keep a fire going so your anger can boil and rise is fury? Some people just let their anger get the best of them. I am not an angry person. I usually don’t even get that mad. If I do I have to redirect that energy to a safe place. Not leashing such rage. Actually it’s not even rage. Haha when I’m mad people, think I’m silly. They can’t ever take me seriously. It’s kind of annoying. I guess it’s just because I’m a happy person and I rarely get mad. I am not sure where this was going. I was just typing away with no intent to inspire or tell a story. Just thoughts in my head. Scattered as always.
Hey everyone. I have been M.I.A. again due to working at my new job and then because of me being in my depressive stage lately… almost a full month now. I wanted to share about how I’ve been doing. I have working at my new job for over 5 months now. That is an accomplishment for me. I never have been able to hold a job for more than 4 months. So this is exciting for me and I am very proud of myself. I have bipolar type 2 severe with psychosis. Having a work life can be difficult for me and many others with BD. Especially during the depression stages. For me, I have no energy, I cry a lot, I am exhausted, I don’t want to get out of bed, I don’t want to talk to people or hang with friends. Literally, I have almost 200 unread messages from my friends. I am so grateful to have such a loving and caring man by my side who uplifts me and prays with me and makes sure I don’t sink into an even deeper level of depression, Because of him, I got to my midday work shifts on time. Because of him I got out bed and tried to become motivated even though I just wanted to sleep all day. Because of him I have felt comforted and he’s done everything to try to make me smile; whether it be him holding me, hugging me, kissing me, buying me food, etc. He has kept me together while in such a state of depression. It has been a while since I have had a long depression. So it has been quite exhausting for me. I have been proud of myself for pushing so hard and getting through it. Working and depression are quite drowning. Everyone knows I am a very outgoing person. Even my customers have been worried about me. One of them gave me a Rosary made of real silver, others gave me hugs, and a few have bought me food. They are so kind. Everyone who has truly helped me and extended their love and care. From B, to my friends, to my customers, and even my manager and employees. Everyone is so great. I love them all and am very grateful for them. Anyway, I just wanted to update you all on my progress and how I am doing.
Love Always, Sai
I have many pet peeves. I am about to share a few with you all.
1.) Don't lie to me. That will always be my number one pet peeve. Why it is a pet peeve is because it is very annoying to me. Why do you need to lie to me? That is the main reason to ever get me upset or mad at you.
2.) When someone tells you they have something to tell you and then they back off and say never mind. Why do that? You just got me all excited for nothing. Like when someone gets your hopes up and then crushes them by doing something stupid.
3.) People who act different around each person they are with. They act different around certain people so they can be liked. Why change yourself for others. If they don't like you for you. Then fuck them. Find people who genuinely like you for you. Not ones you have to change yourself for.
4.) People who cry to get their way. Tears do have affect people. Though others know when you're just sitting their bullshitting them.
5.) Talking shit behind my back. Why talk shit behind someone back? If you have the courage to say it behind someone's back, then you should have the courage to say it to their face. Don't bad mouth people if you can't tell them straight to their face what problems you have with them.
Not sure why people judge when they don’t even check themselves first.
Not sure why people blame others for their unsuccessful lives.
Not sure why people think violence is the way to make the world peaceful.
Not sure why people can’t understand mental illness.
Not sure why people make memes out of everything.
Not sure why people can’t accept the truth.
Not sure why sex is more important to teenagers than good grades and pleasing their parents.
Not sure why equality isn’t an option because everyone still sees skin color as a major difference.
Not sure why we can’t all just be mature.
Not sure why I can’t fathom all of this.
Not sure why I am unsure.
Pondering at 3:19 am.
What you think:
You all see her as a beautiful girl with a stunning smile. Her hair so silky and long. They see such intelligence and braveness in her. They see strength and wisdom. They see such a positive, uplifting energy beaming from her soul.
What you don’t know:
There is pain flowing through her veins, tears filling up in her eye sockets, exhausting depression where her body feels so weak, and longing for something she has no idea is even in arms reach.
She hides her pain with her stunning, contagious smile. Her beauty glows. No one ever knows when she’s sad or in pain. She holds her head high and seems to hide her pain well.
What you think and what you know are two different things. Remember that.
Xo, Sai ❤
Hopefully in the month of May. I will be upgrading & updating my website. I want to get on a new plan. One of the paid plans, so I can get more space on here, upload videos, and much more! I want my website to look extra presentable for my followers & viewers!
Sistah Sai is always wanting to make her fans smile!! Hopefully when I get my upgrades for my website, it’ll be even more appealing to the eye!!
I had a something in mind to write on my blog today. The thing is, I kind of forgot what it was.