Hey everyone. I have been M.I.A. again due to working at my new job and then because of me being in my depressive stage lately… almost a full month now. I wanted to share about how I’ve been doing. I have working at my new job for over 5 months now. That is an accomplishment for me. I never have been able to hold a job for more than 4 months. So this is exciting for me and I am very proud of myself. I have bipolar type 2 severe with psychosis. Having a work life can be difficult for me and many others with BD. Especially during the depression stages. For me, I have no energy, I cry a lot, I am exhausted, I don’t want to get out of bed, I don’t want to talk to people or hang with friends. Literally, I have almost 200 unread messages from my friends. I am so grateful to have such a loving and caring man by my side who uplifts me and prays with me and makes sure I don’t sink into an even deeper level of depression, Because of him, I got to my midday work shifts on time. Because of him I got out bed and tried to become motivated even though I just wanted to sleep all day. Because of him I have felt comforted and he’s done everything to try to make me smile; whether it be him holding me, hugging me, kissing me, buying me food, etc. He has kept me together while in such a state of depression. It has been a while since I have had a long depression. So it has been quite exhausting for me. I have been proud of myself for pushing so hard and getting through it. Working and depression are quite drowning. Everyone knows I am a very outgoing person. Even my customers have been worried about me. One of them gave me a Rosary made of real silver, others gave me hugs, and a few have bought me food. They are so kind. Everyone who has truly helped me and extended their love and care. From B, to my friends, to my customers, and even my manager and employees. Everyone is so great. I love them all and am very grateful for them. Anyway, I just wanted to update you all on my progress and how I am doing.
Love Always, Sai
When a kid is abused. They are either physically, mentally, emotionally, & or sexually. They are scarred, bruised, ashamed & exhausted. They are broken inside with a mind full of fear. They don’t know who’s going to hurt them next. Whether it be a broken heart or bullies beating them up. Love isn’t a word fathomable for an abuse victims ears.
I would know. I was abused as a kid. My foster mom was horrible to me. If I bad mouthed to her; she’d make me swallow liquid soap. My throat would be stinging for days. She would give me bloody noses and blame me for why my nose was bleeding. She beat me continuously. She sewed into my skin while trying to fix my tutu for dance. I screamed for her to stop as I was crying and bleeding. Yet she kept going. Maybe like 3 stitches till she stopped. I cried in pain as blood was dripping down my belly. She was scary to me. I was so scared of her. She was my biggest bully. That’s the saddest part. It wasn’t even kids at school who I could say bullied me. No, my bully was my own foster mother.
She was my bully.
She is not my bully now. She’ll never be able to have that control over me again. I will never let her put me through pain. She’s not in my life anymore. She cut me off in 2013. I would never go back to that negativity. I am strong. I am an abuse victim survivor.
Deep in thought,
Stop letting other people’s opinions get the best of you. Stop letting those little lies fill up in your head. Your haters who want to see you miserable. They want to see you unhappy because they are unhappy. They want to pull you into their gloomy and depressed world. Don’t let them. Stop letting people get inside your head. You are worth more than those degrading thoughts and little pieces of negative doubt. You are worth more than the stars in the sky. You have more potential than you see in yourself. You don’t see it, because you’re blinded by all the haters. Their voices and words have more volume than your own confidence and thoughts. Stop it. Change it. It should be, your confidence and thoughts have more volumes than the haters voices and words. You got this. Stop letting others run over you. Stand strong and courageous. Be brave and confident. You got this, even if you don’t believe you do.
I love you all. Stay motivated and positive.
Peace. Love. Sai. (: