Head is in the clouds

I don’t know what to write about today. That’s a first.

 

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Head is in the clouds

Just Lost

Sometimes I feel lost. I don’t have family other than my new foster brother and sister. (Which I grately appreciate them more than words can explain.) Though, my one of my many dreams in life is to find and meet my birthmom. I feel lost; somewhat empty. It is hard, when someone asks about my mother. I just say I don’t know her. I just believe I got my beauty, brains, and confidence from her. I keep having Faith and hope that a lot of characteristics I have, I get from her. I never have thought about what my father is like. To be honest. I haven’t really ever thought hard about him. I think I’ve always had a dream to find my birthmom. That is who I’ve longed to meet. If someone asked me, “If you could meet anyone in the whole entire world, who would it be?” I would most likely say, “My birthmom would be the first on the list.”

One thing about being a foster kid is this. You can get more than one family. Especially if they treat you wrong. Though, that wasn’t the case with me, since I was adopted. Though social services were involved, when my foster mom physically abused me. The elementary school had put in a report.

Another thing about family when it comes to foster kids is that, you are not connected by a blood or genetic bond. Kids who get with a great foster family with good morals, etc are very lucky and blessed. The others who have to jump to a new home every few weeks, it is very tough on them. I lived in a group home when my foster family kicked me to the curb. I was so scared. I was lost. I felt so empty. Not because I didn’t have a family. Though, because these girls I lived with had been so hurt by their past, and by things that happened in the foster care system. I could feel their pain and sorrow. I felt so sad for them. Everyone has a story and there is pain that seeps through their hearts here and there. I know. I have been there. I understand the emotional ride.

Anyways, I am not sure where I was going with this post. Though I feel empty right now. When I post, I am not looking for pity or for sorrow. I use many parts of my life story to inspire and help others know they are not alone in their personal struggles. Many people go through the same things, whether it be depression, mental disorders, abandonment issues, loss of a loved one, foster care, even suicidal intentions. Many people have been through it.. More than you will know. Open your eyes. Sometimes, people you didn’t know are struggling, are.

Have a good day,

Xo, Sai (:

Just Lost

Fake Friends

The best way to avoid disappointment is to stop thinking everyone is your friend. I tell it how it is & I won’t sugar coat anything. If you’re not going to take a bullet for me, pick me up when I’m at my worst, help me pay off a bill when I have nothing, or simply be there when I need you emotionally; then you’re not my friend. You are my associate. I’ll do all of that & some more for my real friends. Don’t hit my line up when it’s convenient for you, because I will not answer. Don’t talk to me only when it’s convenient for you, because I will not listen. And don’t you dare slander my name when I’m not around just because I wasn’t there for your convenience, because I will press issue. You are not my friend if you don’t defend my name when I’m not around. You are not my friend if you tell other people what you don’t like about me. You are not my friend. You are my hater. Thank you. I just needed to clarify that.

Fake Friends

Potatoes??

Can someone please tell me why girls compare themselves to potatoes? They say they look like a potato as in ugly. Haven’t they learned it’s not what’s on the outside that matters, but what’s on the inside. I mean damn. Potatoes turn into some beautiful ish! Like fries, hash browns, sweet potatoes, mashed potatoes, freaking soup, & even potatoe pancakes!! Y’all actually give yourself a compliment when you call yourself a potatoe. ~Xo, Sai

Potatoes??

To all of my Friends

Here’s to all my friends. I have a lot of friends. I have different types of friends. Some are about to graduate college. Some are married, have kids, & about to graduate college. Some are serving our country in the military. Some are mothers or fathers with no support from the other or even family. Some are high school drop outs though have their GED. Some are struggling trying to find out what they want to do with their life. Some are working, raising a kid(s), & managing their own bills. Some have just found God. Some have just become stronger from life situations & hard times. So here’s to all of my friends. I am proud of you & where you are in life. NEVER give up on your dreams. Don’t compare your chapter to someone else’s. You are your own person. I am sure proud of each & every one of you. ~ Xo, Sai

To all of my Friends

Gotham Tv Show

I love the Gotham tv show!! I am so hooked on the series. I love the way the creators made a back story to each character. I liked the way they portrayed the Scarecrow. It was very interesting how they showed what he saw through his eyes. I actually don’t have much knowledge of Gotham and the comic books. Though, my boyfriend keeps me informed, because he’s a fan of the superheroes and comic books. I watched him play Arkham Knight on the xbox one. I thought it was a very cool video game. I think it helped me understand the Gotham show a little better. The main superhero tv shows I enjoy watching are: Arrow, Lucifer, Gotham, Young Justice League, and Supergirl. I may be missing a few others. Though, I cannot remember at the moment. Though everyone who knows me well, knows my favorite tv show of all time is Gossip Girl!!! I love Chuck and Blair!!!! They are my favorite couple and characters in that show! I have watch all seasons through almost 5 times!!! I cannot get enough of that show! Anway, I guess I was just wanted to share some personal interests with everyone. Okay, have a great day!!

Peace. Love. Happiness.
Sai (:

Gotham Tv Show

Update (:

Hey everyone, I am here updating you. Good news, my brother is finally getting out of the hospital tomorrow! I am so relieved. I am happy to know he is feeling much better now! I made a new friend this week. He is very nice. My cat likes his new cat tower. He be running up onto it, like Mufasa. It has gotten cold here. I have had to wear sweatshirts & boots outside. My depression has gotten worse. I have had about 4 panic attacks in the last week. It is so tiring… okay that is all for now.

Peace. Love. Happiness.
Sai (:

Update (: