Bad mood? Idk

When being in a bad mood. You’ve got to decide how far deep you anger will get. Will you let it subside to calmness or will you keep a fire going so your anger can boil and rise is fury? Some people just let their anger get the best of them. I am not an angry person. I usually don’t even get that mad. If I do I have to redirect that energy to a safe place. Not leashing such rage. Actually it’s not even rage. Haha when I’m mad people, think I’m silly. They can’t ever take me seriously. It’s kind of annoying. I guess it’s just because I’m a happy person and I rarely get mad. I am not sure where this was going. I was just typing away with no intent to inspire or tell a story. Just thoughts in my head. Scattered as always.

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Bad mood? Idk

Two weeks ago

Two weeks ago I completed my 90 probation period of working at my new job. Every job usually has that 90 probation period where you can't call off and they make sure you are a good worker. Well guess what. I'm a great worker. I only had to call off once due to my close friend passing away. The head manager let it pass because I lost a loved one. And he didn't mark it as a bad thing. I have the highest customer service reviews for good service and being nice and friendly. I have a good reputation there as well. I'm at work now blogging this through the WordPress mobile app. It's very laid back where I work. My manager is nice. It's been a slow night. It stormed a lot today. Thunder, lightning, and rain!! I still have an hour and a half to go. Haha. I'll be off work soon enough.

Xo, Sai

Two weeks ago

It all started when …

Reflecting back on my life. There's a lot of good memories. One memory that makes me smile every time I think about it, is when I met the love of my life 7 years ago.

It all started when …

I actually got to get some rest, because I've got a 40.25 hour work week ahead. I'm already tired. So, I will pick up where I left off sooner than later!

Xo, Sai

It all started when …

Pet Peeves

I have many pet peeves. I am about to share a few with you all.

1.) Don't lie to me. That will always be my number one pet peeve. Why it is a pet peeve is because it is very annoying to me. Why do you need to lie to me? That is the main reason to ever get me upset or mad at you.

2.) When someone tells you they have something to tell you and then they back off and say never mind. Why do that? You just got me all excited for nothing. Like when someone gets your hopes up and then crushes them by doing something stupid.

3.) People who act different around each person they are with. They act different around certain people so they can be liked. Why change yourself for others. If they don't like you for you. Then fuck them. Find people who genuinely like you for you. Not ones you have to change yourself for.

4.) People who cry to get their way. Tears do have affect people. Though others know when you're just sitting their bullshitting them.

5.) Talking shit behind my back. Why talk shit behind someone back? If you have the courage to say it behind someone's back, then you should have the courage to say it to their face. Don't bad mouth people if you can't tell them straight to their face what problems you have with them.

Pet Peeves

She was my bully. 

When a kid is abused. They are either physically, mentally, emotionally, & or sexually. They are scarred, bruised, ashamed & exhausted.  They are broken inside with a mind full of fear. They don’t know who’s going to hurt them next. Whether it be a broken heart or bullies beating them up. Love isn’t a word fathomable for an abuse victims ears. 

I would know. I was abused as a kid. My foster mom was horrible to me. If I bad mouthed to her; she’d make me swallow liquid soap. My throat would be stinging for days. She would give me bloody noses and blame me for why my nose was bleeding. She beat me continuously. She sewed into my skin while trying to fix my tutu for dance. I screamed for her to stop as I was crying and bleeding. Yet she kept going. Maybe like 3 stitches till she stopped. I cried in pain as blood was dripping down my belly. She was scary to me. I was so scared of her. She was my biggest bully. That’s the saddest part. It wasn’t even kids at school who I could say bullied me. No, my bully was my own foster mother.

She was my bully. 

She is not my bully now. She’ll never be able to have that control over me again. I will never let her put me through pain. She’s not in my life anymore. She cut me off in 2013. I would never go back to that negativity. I am strong. I am an abuse victim survivor. 

Deep in thought,

Sai 💜

She was my bully. 

Just Stop

Stop letting other people’s opinions get the best of you. Stop letting those little lies fill up in your head. Your haters who want to see you miserable. They want to see you unhappy because they are unhappy. They want to pull you into their gloomy and depressed world. Don’t let them. Stop letting people get inside your head. You are worth more than those degrading thoughts and little pieces of negative doubt. You are worth more than the stars in the sky. You have more potential than you see in yourself. You don’t see it, because you’re blinded by all the haters. Their voices and words have more volume than your own confidence and thoughts. Stop it. Change it. It should be, your confidence and thoughts have more volumes than the haters voices and words. You got this. Stop letting others run over you. Stand strong and courageous. Be brave and confident. You got this, even if you don’t believe you do. 

I love you all. Stay motivated and positive. 

Peace. Love. Sai. (:

Just Stop