I miss you

Have you ever missed someone, without even meeting them? I do. I miss my mother, even though I have never met her. I have been depressed lately. I am not sure if it was triggered by the fact that mother’s day is indeed tomorrow.

Last night, B and I bought his mom mother’s gifts. As I was grabbing some items, my friend asked me what I was getting my mother, since she saw me buying things for B’s mom. My friend wasn’t aware of my situation yet. She though I could ship the gifts to India. She had no clue I haven’t my mother.

Is it weird for me to say I love my mother? I think the world of her. I dream of her and the beauty she holds. I pray one day, I meet her. I feel a spark in my heart that one day I could be standing side by side with my mother. I could somehow stumble upon her. The world is so small. Fate has a way. God has a plan.

I am sad. An orphan I was born. An orphan I became again. Though, I have a mother. I have a father. I will dream until my wish comes true. That is my biggest wish of all. That is my dream. Most people dream and wish to be married or to have a fairy tale life. Others wish to have a roof over their head and food on the table. I wish to meet my mother. We all have wishes and dreams.

What is yours?

Xo, Sai

 

I miss you

Weeping like the tree

There is a time

That we need to choose

To find our way to follow through

Every time a door shuts in your face….

It bring such a disgrace

Deep down inside your heart

That you want to part

From being alive

In this damaging world

Of hate and mystery of being

Please God, give me a sign

So it does not look like I’m blind

In my faith in which I walk

In the way I must talk

I am depressed

Tears running down my face

Keeping the crinkles in this page wet.

Weeping like the tree

….

 

Xo, Sai

(I remain hopeful of better days. I will be 3 years clean of suicidal thoughts and actions in November. I hope to remain strong and keep my mind clear of these sad, depressing, negative thoughts. I usually write poems to express my inner sadness rather than hurting myself or making negative actions and situations. Writing is a very expressive way to get things out and to feel better. I suggest other do it too. It has helped me tremendously.)

 

Weeping like the tree