The foster mom I had growing up treated me horribly. She put it in my head, I’d never change. I could never make a change for myself. She always put me down. She talked down on me. I once took toys to school in my book bag, (I was in 1st or 2nd grade) and she beat the crap out of me because I took toys to school. She abused me for many things, little or big. My foster dad at the time, was never there when she did it, since he was always at work. I feel in my heart, her beating me and abusing me constantly, did not make me want to find strength within me to change for the better. I was constantly living in fear. Living in fear because I was scared if I do one littlest thing wrong, I would get hit for it. I never had hope. I always thought I did everything wrong.
Now that I am an adult, and they abandoned me. Well, I feel less scared; like I am not walking on eggshells. I feel free of the cage I was in. I live with my boyfriend, Brannen. We’ve been together 4 years and best friends for 7 years. Even that I’ve lived with him for 3 years, I still have a tendencies of thinking he’ll treat me like my ex foster family treated me. Not abusive lol. More so like he’ll be mad if I ate all my goldfish crackers, or broke a xbox controller. Those kinds of things. Though, he doesn’t get mad. He never lays a hand on me, or yells at me over the little things. He understands things get broken, or I get hungry. Lol. He is such a great guy. He makes me feel safe. I haven’t been able to be myself. He gave me confidence. He took away my shield of fear. He gave me secureness to feel confident to be myself.
Brannen is the best thing that has ever happened to me. God truly blessed me. I found happiness and a path to better things when I met Brannen. I feel God wanted B and I to meet. He knows B is a great guy with a good heart. He would show me true love and a good friendship. I am forever grateful for B and that God is good.
When times are tough, you can’t give up. I learned that most people give up right before it may be getting better. They never wait that last second or minute. Many people know I was suicidal. They told me that many people who have been in my type of situation, would not have made it this far. So, why me? I don’t understand sometimes how I became this strong. I feel so blessed, yet overwhelmed. I hope to help many people and show them proof that it is possible to never give up! I know God has me. He is always good, and his timing is everything. Whether you want to believe it or not. Miracles are always in the works. Have Faith.
Xo, Sai (: