Two weeks ago

Two weeks ago I completed my 90 probation period of working at my new job. Every job usually has that 90 probation period where you can't call off and they make sure you are a good worker. Well guess what. I'm a great worker. I only had to call off once due to my close friend passing away. The head manager let it pass because I lost a loved one. And he didn't mark it as a bad thing. I have the highest customer service reviews for good service and being nice and friendly. I have a good reputation there as well. I'm at work now blogging this through the WordPress mobile app. It's very laid back where I work. My manager is nice. It's been a slow night. It stormed a lot today. Thunder, lightning, and rain!! I still have an hour and a half to go. Haha. I'll be off work soon enough.

Xo, Sai

Two weeks ago

It all started when …

Reflecting back on my life. There's a lot of good memories. One memory that makes me smile every time I think about it, is when I met the love of my life 7 years ago.

It all started when …

I actually got to get some rest, because I've got a 40.25 hour work week ahead. I'm already tired. So, I will pick up where I left off sooner than later!

Xo, Sai

It all started when …

Drowning

I stood there while the hot steamy water rapidly beat down on my bare figure. I could feel my heartbeat speeding up. My eye sockets started filling with salty tears. My body became heavy as I dropped to the hard surface of the tub. I am just about breathless. At this point, the water is almost drowning me. I felt like I was in the middle of a rain storm. The water is washing away my worries and being poured down the drain. The bathroom was foggy like the clouds in the sky.

I am still here staying strong, Sai

 

 

Drowning

Not sure why

Not sure why people judge when they don’t even check themselves first.

Not sure why people blame others for their unsuccessful lives. 

Not sure why people think violence is the way to make the world peaceful. 

Not sure why people can’t understand mental illness. 

Not sure why people make memes out of everything. 

Not sure why people can’t accept the truth. 

Not sure why sex is more important to teenagers than good grades and pleasing their parents. 

Not sure why equality isn’t an option because everyone still sees skin color as a major difference. 

Not sure why we can’t all just be mature. 

Not sure why I can’t fathom all of this. 

Not sure why I am unsure. 
Pondering at 3:19 am.

Sai 

Not sure why

I miss you

Have you ever missed someone, without even meeting them? I do. I miss my mother, even though I have never met her. I have been depressed lately. I am not sure if it was triggered by the fact that mother’s day is indeed tomorrow.

Last night, B and I bought his mom mother’s gifts. As I was grabbing some items, my friend asked me what I was getting my mother, since she saw me buying things for B’s mom. My friend wasn’t aware of my situation yet. She though I could ship the gifts to India. She had no clue I haven’t my mother.

Is it weird for me to say I love my mother? I think the world of her. I dream of her and the beauty she holds. I pray one day, I meet her. I feel a spark in my heart that one day I could be standing side by side with my mother. I could somehow stumble upon her. The world is so small. Fate has a way. God has a plan.

I am sad. An orphan I was born. An orphan I became again. Though, I have a mother. I have a father. I will dream until my wish comes true. That is my biggest wish of all. That is my dream. Most people dream and wish to be married or to have a fairy tale life. Others wish to have a roof over their head and food on the table. I wish to meet my mother. We all have wishes and dreams.

What is yours?

Xo, Sai

 

I miss you

Try a different type

Many people ask me how I found such a great guy. Well B and I’s relationship started all the way back in high school. We actually started as friends, then had a  brother and sister relationship, then we became best friends, then lovers. It is kind of cute.

Many of my friends get in bad relationships. These are the types of guys they somehow date: Fuck boys, controlling guys, abusive guys, guys that use you for one thing whether it be sex or just to say they have a girlfriend but don’t really want to pursue a deep and long lasting relationship with you, or guys who are possessive of their girl.

The thing is everyone one of these girls have gone for the “hottest”, good looking, best body, cute type of guy. I have said since day one. Looks don’t mean shit. You’ve got to understand that. I would rather have a guy who isn’t the hottest, yet treats me like a queen. People sometimes ask how I got with Brannen or they say Brannen is one lucky guy to have me by his side. (As in I’m the gorgeous one and I could of done better with a guy’s looks.) Excuse me while I count my blessings. Brannen is a very handsome man. He is a Marine on top of that. That is effing sexy and really awesome! He has great morals and respects me. He isn’t possessive over me and never has been controlling. He doesn’t treat me like an object either. He is loyal and wants to marry me one day. I would rather have him, than any guy I ever laid eyes on before I got with Brannen. If I look back on all the guys I had crushes on or dated. None compare to Brannen. They are an “F” and Brannen is an “A+++++”.  Oh and one more thing. His mother raised him right! I am grateful for that!

These girls only want good looking guys. Not every good looking guy is respectful. Some of them are very rude and only want sex. I think sometimes you should try a different type. To be honest. I dated a lot of fuck boy kind of guys. They treated me like crap!

I am so blessed I met  Brannen. Actually, B was a skinny guy when I first met him. He looked like a complete nerd on top of that. Now he is muscular and cute as eff! I wouldn’t trade him for the world. His characteristics are what many girls want in a guy. I am blessed and I thank God every day for this man. Brannen is the best thing that has ever happened. He is the love of my life. I wouldn’t want it any other way!

Peace. Love. Sai (:

Try a different type